yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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