Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
