o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
