he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
