You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
