I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
