Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
