I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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