i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
