I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
