Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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