dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
