Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
