Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
