It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You've changed since you got that strap on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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