I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
