Will you blow on my dice?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
