So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
