i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
