it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
