The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're a waste of cheezeits
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
