are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
