All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
