Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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