I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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