if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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