If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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