I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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