I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
