i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
