did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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