No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
