Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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