we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
