I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
