my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
