fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
