i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
