Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
