I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Too much gin, very little bucket
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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