I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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