don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize