i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
