Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
