A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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