sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
