nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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