I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
