puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
