They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
