Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
