Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want her autograph on my taint
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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