How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
