My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
