He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
