I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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