i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
