I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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