I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
