So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
