i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
