In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
