smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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