i just google imaged poop.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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