It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
