If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
