Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
