My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
