everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
